Happiness, Part 2: Lost & Found

There are those people, and we become them from time to time, who are jealous of others’ happiness.  It’s understandable, the jealousy, because we allwantto be happy.  So it’s natural that when someone else, especially someone we know, is happy and we are not.  It’s similar when someone we know is unhappy.  Obviously we don’t wish for their unhappiness upon us, but it may ache to know it’s there.  Jealousy isn’t so bad, but envy is a real bitch.

See, the difference is that jealousy takes place with something you can attain.  If you can be happy, you’re just jealous.  Envy, on the other hand, takes places when happiness is unattainable.  If you simply can never be happy, you are envious.  You’re wishing to have something that others have and harbor anger because you can’t have it.

I think this is a big grey area though.  If you have a chance at happiness, you’re going to take it.  You have to.  But what if that chance requires ruining someone else’s chances?  Of course, I’m talking about love, lost & found.

One can become envious of happiness in the worst way if they fail to shift the focus of their happiness when the time comes.  We all find and lose love and happiness, but the trick to keeping at it is to recognize when one opportunity has ended and another has begun.  When we fail to recognize these changes, we can become stonefooted.  Denial and doubt are terribly uncomfortable things.  We think we can fix things.  There’s no way it is the way it is.

It is what it is.  One of my favorite sayings.  It’s so simple and pointed.  Pithy, even.  It’s so true.  If you lose happiness or lose a love, it is what it is.  You can fight for remnants of that happiness if they exist, and possibly hope to build upon them, but in most cases these pieces, if they exist at all, are broken.  It’s like dropping a piece of fine China.  Just because you can put it back together with glue and whatnot doesn’t mean it’ll be the same thing.  In the end, it’s broken and it’s time to get a new plate.  Those who dwell on what’s lost are those who miss out on what’s next.

The other difficulty comes in where we have the ability to make others happy.  If your ability to do this is either diminished or nonexistent because of other things getting in the way, then so be it.  There’s a need to concentrate on oneself and make you happy.  The idea that you can’t make others happy until you’re happy with yourself is terribly true.  Those who failed making someone else happy usually have themselves to blame.  We often take for granted the good things in life and sometimes that includes great people.  We assume that just because we’ve got them in our lives that they’re a permanent fixture and we can concentrate on other things, or just relax.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  Giving your heart and soul to someone is a constant event.  You do not simply give it and walk away.  If you’ve got it to give, you have to give it every day, and you have to mean it.

There’s something special about happiness derived this way, from another.  You have a sense that you know you’re feeding off of each other.  One happiness, one love, for another.  They drive each other every day and get stronger with each other.  It’s incredible to experience, and if you’d think that being happy with yourself is difficult, rare, and great, then imagine sharing that between two incredible people.  You know at any point during the day that you have someone who would do for you as you would do for them.  Having someone to call your own, to lay your head with, to be the last warmth you feel that day in your arms as you slip to redundantly dream of them, only to awake hours later and have them be the first warmth of your day…

That, beyond any happiness within yourself, is the greatest feeling in the world, and that’s love.

This is nothing to take lightly.  This doesn’t get taken for granted.
This should be loved as much as it is, itself, love.  It is something to be held onto tightly with a grip that’s firm and sure.
Because only a fool would grip so loose.  And if only fools fall in love, then I feel I have it right by saying the better men don’t fall after all but find it themselves.  They catch it, they keep it sacred, and they never let it go.

(PS. I miss you.)

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About Sean O'Connor
Musician, writer, tech pundit, would-be programmer, copyeditor, government worker and general loudmouth.

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